Beware: This is a cruel and graphic dramatization.
Children, senior citizens, and those with bladder control issues should just stop reading now.
You have been warned.
When the gong for the Cornucopia sounds:
RUN LIKE HECK.
But not to the surrounding area. No, no. I am brave and run toward the Cornucopia, where all the Careers are.
Because I have absolutely no training in hand-to-hand combat and really have never fought anyone in my life, I must revert to the abilities I was born with. So, as they all fight at the Cornucopia, all in need of the weapons and supplies they know how to use, I just stand there and give ‘em one of these:
(I showed this face to the Gamemakers and earned an 11 for my training score.)
They’re then struck by my dashing good looks and can do nothing but stare in awe as I swagger toward the Cornucopia, all the weapons mine for the choosing.
Once I have chosen the supplies I need (lots of food, probably something to hold water, a few knives, maybe a jacket or a pack, and anything else that might be of use to me personally), I steal the supplies that I think the most vicious people will want to use and confiscate of them by throwing them somewhere where they will never be retrieved.
Remember, this entire time, the other tributes are too busy basking in my blindingly awesome glow to actually pay attention to where I’m putting the supplies.
I then run off into the surrounding area, leaving the other tributes in confusion.
By the time that the bloodbath at the cornucopia is over, I will have found a place to rest. I presume that things will go smoothly for a while. But on the off chance that they don’t, whenever someone comes by, I creep around
WHACK ‘EM WITH THE NEAREST STICK.
I then light a fire beside them, just enough for the smoke to rise into the air, and while they are unconscious, another tribute will come and kill them.
One by one, the other tributes will take each other out. Every day, the cannons sound, and every night, new faces appear in the sky.
Until, one day, a very significant cannon sounds.
The 22nd cannon.
Meaning that there are only two of us left. Me, and I’m assuming, a rather bloodthirsty killer. He/she has probably gone mad and killed everyone around him/her in an insane rage.
So I wait.
And I wait.
Finally, the Gamemakers drive us both to the Cornucopia.
The other tribute awaits me with bloodlust in his eyes.
He comes at me quickly, but I assess the situation and realize that I will not be getting out of this with no blood on my hands. I must do something, or I will die.
So I do the only thing I can think of. It’s risky and illegal in 5 districts, but I’m willing to do this to stay alive - even on live television.
I pull out some rad dance moves.
The other tribute pauses, confused.
I don’t stop, though.
I am a machine.
Some might call me a mutt.
I am merciless.
Soon, he can no longer take it and falls to the ground as I dance around him.
He pleads for my mercy.
But I am unable to fulfill his wishes.
And so, unable to take it any longer, he finds a way to kill himself.
And I win the Hunger Games.
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